Scripps National Spelling Bee–The Epic Running Diary

In Sports on May 31, 2012 at 8:44 pm

by:  Eric Buenning

Good evening, folks.

It’s time for another running diary.  This time, it’s for one of the most dramatic two hours of television all year.  Yup, we’re talking about the Scripps National Spelling Bee Finals.  Let’s get to it!

Quick note:  I will be trying to spell a few words throughout the diary, hopefully at a semi-successful rate.  Okay, let’s go!


–GIFTON! GIFTON! GIFTON! Gotta love the Jamaicans

–Also, how awkward is the crowd of the previously eliminated contestants?  It’s like, “hey, come watch these kids pull of what you weren’t smart enough to do!”

–Alright, for real, let’s go Gifton.  I’m pulling unnaturally hard for you .

–Come on, Gifton!  Don’t go out this early!!!!

–GIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and an awkward Usain Bolt reference by the color analyst (shoutout to Sage Steele for ‘hosting’))

First word attempt:  coneshiees

–How it’s spelled—canities


–Okay, so, I feel bad for hating on kids, but I already don’t like Arvind.  I’m sure he’s an upstanding kid, but I do not want him to win.  It’s all about Gifton here in this diary.

–You get 30,000 for winning this?  Hmm….time to rethink my career.

–Also, this Dr. Bailey emcee guy…I wonder what his job is outside of these few weeks.  Is he an actual doctor?  Does he just force young boys and girls to spell words every waking moment of his life?

–Alright, Arvind gets a pass, but NOT NICHOLAS RUSHLOW.  No way.  He looks like Randall from Recess, and I’m having none of that.

–Nicholas Rushlow–the doppleganger

Attempt #2:  otosteon

How it’s actually spelled: OTOSTEON!! I DID IT! I DID IT!

1 for 2, suckers.

–Two reasons while the ‘fainting kid’ video is the best: 1—It’s really, really, really, funny.  2—It bought that kid a whole lot more time to guess his word.  Pure genius.

–Round 2 of the finals.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the custodians turn up the temperature by a few degrees each round.

–I’m considering asking spelling bee questions every time I get homework. “Reading.  Can you pronounce that for me?  May I have the country of origin?  Any alternate pronunciations?”  By the end of it, the teachers would be so annoyed that they would withdraw the assignment.  Here’s to hoping.

–Frank Cahill’s favorite athlete is Tim Tebow.  Somewhere, ESPN’s Skip Bayless is trying to purchase this kid.

–See ya, Frank Cahill.  Somewhere, Skip Bayless has cancelled his transaction.

–Side thought:  Is there a dress code for the audience?

–God bless you, Gifton.  You’re a superstar.

–What is this?!?! A NBA advertisement?  How dare they pollute the Spelling Bee with this kind of hogwash?!

Attempt:  distylphink

How it’s spelled:  distelfink

I’m overthinking it.  1 for 3

–Nicholas Rushlow asked my least favorite question:  “How do you spell that word?”  C’mon, get your own material, bro.  (What ?  It’s totally fine to blindly hate a kid I ‘met’ an hour ago).

Attempt #4: ludiovirescent

How’s it spelled: luteovirescent

Close! 1 of 4


–What NBA playoffs?  I’m busy watching 9-13 year olds spell!  And sing ABC apparently….

–You notice who doesn’t take part in these shenanigans?  GIFTON.  He’s better than that.

–Let’s do this, Gifton.  You’re trending on Twitter for a reason.

–And that is the end of Gifton.  I am legitimately devastated.  Gifton, YOU EARNED THAT STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!

–Alright, Arvind, it’s yours to lose

–Piss off, Nicholas.  Get out of here!

–See, ya Nicholas!  It’s a bummer, but I don’t care.

–Wait, he gets asked for his autograph????  What the hell!?!? Why don’t I get asked? I’m a decent speller

-Lena Greenberg follows Nicholas Rushlow off the stage.  We’re down to three.  This is Arvind’s to take.

Attempt #….5?  sacrolitic

How it’s spelled:  saccharolytic

I’m starting to lose self-esteem over here…

1 for 5

–Can these words be used as insults?  Nobody really knows that they mean.  You are such a prolegomenon!!!

–Stuti, Snighda, and Arvind remain.  Those are names, I promise.

–Dr. Bailey just used Weird Al in a sentence.  This is getting out of hand quickly.

–Down to two, with a spelling attempt to come

–Also, my dad and I just placed a $1 bet.  I’ve got Snighda, he’s got Stuti.  Let the games begin.

Attempt #6: admittater

How it’s spelled:  admittatur

I’m done.  I forfeit.  1 for 6

What did Dr. Bailey just say to Stuti?!?!?!?!?  Snow blindness is much easier to spell.

–These sentences are killer this year.  Throwin Instagram and DrawSomething in there like bosses.

–GASP! Stuti misspells schwarmerei!!!

–Pressure’s on, Snighda.  Win me that dollar!

–GUETAPANS!!! SNIGHDA WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SNIGHDA WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I just realized that I had been spelling Snigdha incorrectly this whole time.  Seems appropriate.  Hope you enjoyed this!*


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